Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
