god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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