barbara walters just said penis...
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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