I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
