is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize