My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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