Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
