I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
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