Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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