Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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