halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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