Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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