So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
