she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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