So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
