I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Randomize
