Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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