Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
