I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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