I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
