GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
