I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
