and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
