bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
