I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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