Texts From Last Night

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  (914): View more from New York

  Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!

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  (914): Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?! http://tfl.nu/ay46
  Replies (20) Good night (2486) Bad night (1009)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed

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  (630): all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed http://tfl.nu/xhsk
  Replies (28) Good night (21538) Bad night (1414)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined

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  (301): I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined http://tfl.nu/iip9
  Replies (19) Good night (1015) Bad night (3251)
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  (310): View more from California

  and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity

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  (310): and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity http://tfl.nu/4zrt
  Replies (44) Good night (15721) Bad night (1407)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.

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  (513): Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot. http://tfl.nu/qalf
  Replies (15) Good night (8040) Bad night (1164)
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  (516): View more from New York

  Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.

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  (516): Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis. http://tfl.nu/43t1
  Replies (23) Good night (5222) Bad night (1147)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?

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  (815): Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train? http://tfl.nu/kbte
  Replies (3) Good night (1165) Bad night (1001)
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.

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  (319): I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can. http://tfl.nu/h4v8
  Replies (4) Good night (1720) Bad night (753)
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?

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  (517): I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm? http://tfl.nu/cxi2
  Replies (7) Good night (3656) Bad night (895)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game

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  (724): They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game http://tfl.nu/pqbb
  Replies (8) Good night (1236) Bad night (664)
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".

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  (972): We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away". http://tfl.nu/ker4
  Replies (1) Good night (1113) Bad night (572)
• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.

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  (209): Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered. http://tfl.nu/p8yt
  Replies (0) Good night (819) Bad night (350)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to

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  (202): That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to http://tfl.nu/skaq
  Replies (0) Good night (704) Bad night (319)
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.

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  (613): His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers. http://tfl.nu/iwq4
  Replies (1) Good night (731) Bad night (274)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home

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  (630): Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home http://tfl.nu/5dmw
  Replies (2) Good night (501) Bad night (247)

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