Texts From Last Night

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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.

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  (604): I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone. http://tfl.nu/1vtw
  Replies (2) Good night (666) Bad night (2125)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.

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  (917): I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome. http://tfl.nu/srjh
  Replies (8) Good night (3097) Bad night (679)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants

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  (403): and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants http://tfl.nu/tpip
  Replies (32) Good night (4428) Bad night (691)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory

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  (615): She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory http://tfl.nu/j2ic
  Replies (3) Good night (2897) Bad night (966)
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE

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  (267): WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE http://tfl.nu/lgwx
  Replies (7) Good night (1093) Bad night (607)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar

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  (740): You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar http://tfl.nu/iv8a
  Replies (8) Good night (706) Bad night (2100)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it

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  (+44): He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it http://tfl.nu/dp2q
  Replies (3) Good night (1702) Bad night (685)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.

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  (210): Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night. http://tfl.nu/v64u
  Replies (7) Good night (1332) Bad night (545)
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  (914): View more from New York

  Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere

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  (914): Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere http://tfl.nu/1kh6
  Replies (3) Good night (1374) Bad night (542)
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  (607): View more from New York

  So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?

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  (607): So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear? http://tfl.nu/a30u
  Replies (4) Good night (1690) Bad night (508)
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  (951): View more from California

  He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".

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  (951): He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later". http://tfl.nu/gid9
  Replies (12) Good night (1041) Bad night (1513)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls

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  (406): My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls http://tfl.nu/ydwq
  Replies (5) Good night (806) Bad night (900)
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  (660): View more from Missouri

  On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.

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  (660): On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics. http://tfl.nu/mn1y
  Replies (25) Good night (2946) Bad night (669)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?

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  (732): I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet? http://tfl.nu/fv2m
  Replies (3) Good night (863) Bad night (336)
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  (518): View more from New York

  She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.

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  (518): She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER. http://tfl.nu/3q3w
  Replies (2) Good night (247) Bad night (436)

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