They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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