in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.