tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS