He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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