dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
