He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Randomize
