we need to drink 2009 down the drain
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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