It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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