That's intense
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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