I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
barbara walters just said penis...
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
