my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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