I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
