Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
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