9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
