my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left your underwear on the fireplace
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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