u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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