I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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