he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
