I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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