the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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