At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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