Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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