is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
