no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
