girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
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