she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
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Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
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I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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