I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
