i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
