Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
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