It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
