Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
