Dude my mom stole all your condoms
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
