Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
