I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I'm bleeding and have questions
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
