the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
