I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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