Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
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