Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
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