perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
