drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
