Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
