This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
