he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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