What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
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