he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I stole a fireplace last night.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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