Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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