I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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