I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
