Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
