Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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