Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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