Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
