so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
