just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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