Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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