I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
