I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize