Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
