That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
