it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
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